


Temple

by madame_alexandra



Series: Bloodstripes Peripheral Works [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Children, F/M, Family, Father-Daughter Relationship, Humor, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:05:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27000151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madame_alexandra/pseuds/madame_alexandra
Summary: Vada wrecks her brand new speeder, so of course she wants to talk about sex. All in a day when you're mothering a teenager. Han/Leia; AU. Bloodstripes 'verse.
Relationships: Leia Organa/Han Solo
Series: Bloodstripes Peripheral Works [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604902
Comments: 25
Kudos: 56





	Temple

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: i'm alive! i exist! it took me like 6 months to finish a damn one shot!

_"Temple"_

_A Bloodstripes Story_

* * *

Chaos was such a common state of affairs at home these days that it was more relaxing than silence. Chaos meant life, what with a toddler and a baby calling _most_ of the shots, was trundling along appropriately. Chaos was good, normal; silence was suspicious or – at the very least – eerie, so when Han came home to _general_ chaos in the evening, he did nothing more than flex his hands, ready for the challenge, and grin.

Bets had been lost the day Han Solo settled down, and even more had been lost with each subsequent year: when the discovery of a love child did not, in fact, lose him his princess, when he married said princess, and then had two more children with her and proved himself a relatively tamed family man.

The odd thing about this evening was _not_ that he had walked in the door of the upscale Coruscant home that he shared with one of the galaxy's most powerful women, but that he was coming home later than usual.

Usually Han was home first, if he was off working at all. He tended to be… _less_ in demand than his wife was.

This evening, outlier that it was, he strolled in past sunset and in the roiling midst of the bath time-bedtime routine, covered in various oils, greases, and lubricants. He smelled like welded metal, sparks, and sweat, and Leia wouldn't like the scrapes breaking open on his knuckles, but he'd achieved the necessary objective.

Namely, fixing the brand new speeder Vada had begged for, and worked towards, and finally earned – and then, in a somewhat uncharacteristic display of either clumsiness, or irresponsibility, _immediately_ wrecked.

Han wiped his hands on his trousers as he headed upstairs, bypassing the second level and taking a second, smaller staircase up to the sprawling loft that served as Vada's bedroom and pseudo-art studio. Han had been a little taken aback when, during their search for a new home, Leia had taken a shine to this one because it afforded Vada such a private space –

_A whole floor to herself? You're the one who's s'pose to keep me from spolin' her!_

_It's just a loft, Han…she deserves some personal space, some uninterrupted sleep, she's a teenager…_

Han picked his way carefully through the art studio – it was a messy minefield of budding projects – glad they'd been able to give Vada this setup. And, of course, Leia had turned the light argument back on him when he'd bought her the state-of-the-art speeder –

_Han, she just got a license!_

Han had been too proud of her inherent piloting skills, giddy with his own love of all things fast and furious; the new speeder had been his cave in, his weakness and, well – the thing was, Vada had learned and trained on _older_ , clunker-like models, and this one probably got out of her control with its brand, sparkling new sensitivity – or she'd just been showing off – the bottom line was, Han was less concerned about the damage than he was about her life.

Leia was too, of course, and Vada had been properly safety attired – as she was taught – and had launched herself off the speeder before the crux of the accident, so she'd only sustained a few bruises on one nasty pavement scrape on an elbow.

Her _pride_ was thoroughly injured, but Han knew better than anyone that pride grew back easily, and it was a tougher thing for every scar. It was difficult to be too angry with her – the fact that she could have been seriously hurt overshadowed any anger about the speeder itself – and wrecking a new vehicle was the only _remotely_ outrageous teenage thing Vada had ever done and it was, it seemed, pure accident.

Even if that accident might, _perhaps_ , have resulted from some sort of drag race with a group of school friends – Vada was pointedly _unclear_ about the circumstances of the wreck, and neither Han nor Leia had pressed her yet.

Still, they felt they had to count themselves pretty _damn_ lucky – Vada had a history that she could have energetically funneled into abrasive, degenerate, volatile teenage years, and she hadn't. She was a content, speculative, _good_ kid whose worst offense to date – aside from the speeder thing – was skipping school a few times to go to a handful of political protests.

When the irritated school attendance office had notified Leia and Han about the truancies, Leia had little to say beyond pointing out that they couldn't expect her, of all people, to get angry at Vada over a little political activism – _"Who do they think they're talking to, Han? I overthrew a government."_ – though she had, in exasperation, asked Vada to just tell her about any future plans to cut class – _"I'll write you a note, honey, I'll take you to the protest, but we need to know where you are."_

Skipping school to attend well-intentioned protests, and one – _one_! – wrecked speeder. Yeah, Han figured they could definitely be dealing with worse.

He raised his hand and used his knuckles to knock on Vada's half-open bedroom door. The loft was an open space; when they'd moved in, there was no door dividing the studio from the sleeping nook. Vada had installed a pocket door, and painted it – as she usually did – with a mural.

From below, there was a burst of crying, followed by laughter, and then Leia's clipped, annoyed voice:

" _Jacen_! Do not – _NO_."

She sounded exasperated, rather than truly distressed; Han figured he'd need to hurry things along up here.

He rapped his knuckles; Vada answered immediately.

"Come in."

Han slid the door open slowly, situating it in its little pocket. He was greeted with the top of his eldest daughter's head: her thick, tangled curly hair spilling out of a hastily constructed knot, tendrils of it hanging down and brushing her sketch bad. Sprawled out on her stomach, focused on homework, or a project, or perhaps both, she did not look up – which was a _little_ odd. She was usually quick to greet anyone with eye contact and a smile.

He cleared his throat, raising an eyebrow.

"Your speeder's fixed," Han announced gruffly. "Least, it's fixed technically. Cosmetics, well," he trailed off, snorting. "Couple dents and nicks give it character."

Vada bobbed her head. She went still, and then she looked up, a heavy wince drawing her eyes and lips down at the corners. She licked her lips.

"I'm…I…" she sighed. "Thanks, Dad," she said quietly. "For fixing it, and for not, you know," she blushed, flicking her eyes down. "For not freaking out at me. The accelerator was so new and sensitive and," she trailed off again. "Yeah, so. I'm not turning into a brat, I swear."

Han shrugged.

"Accidents happen," he said. "Me'n'Leia are glad you didn't get hurt. I can fix a _speeder_ ," he pointed out. He examined his dirty hands. "Not sure I've got medic's hands," he muttered, lowering his hands slowly.

Vada chewed her lip, a shadow of anxiety on her face.

"I know, I just…I was really grateful for the speeder, and I know we have plenty of money, but I don't take it for granted, and I know…things are stressful," she frowned. "Anyway. I can't believe I wrecked it," she said bitterly, "and I'm sorry I scared you guys."

Han jerked his chin at her leg.

"How's the drag burn?" he asked.

"Raw," Vada admitted with a grimace. "I showed Jacen, though, and he thought it was _super_ cool. So, there's that."

Han smirked. Vada eyed him, still chewing her lip, and then tucked her head rather quickly, and directed her attention back to her drawing. A bout of fussing echoed up the stairs – Billee, this time – and Han took a step back, well aware Leia needed help.

He hesitated, though; something held him in the doorway. He expected Vada's confidence to be a little shaken, expected her to be a little subdued, but something seemed…off. She seemed a little withdrawn – she had been quieter, more introspective, for a few days, and suddenly he wondered if the speeder thing was some sort of culmination, some sort of…screech for attention.

But Vada wasn't prone to that. Was she? She hadn't acted out after Jacen was born, and Billee had been around for months now…Han studied her bent head, frowning slightly to himself. Much as he thrived in the chaos of his two young children, he didn't want Vada to get lost in it, or forgotten, and if they were taking her for granted – _I'm not turning into a brat, I swear._

Often, Vada's insecurities bubbled unbidden to the surface; burst out of her in quiet ways – it didn't always matter that she'd been when them longer than she'd known her mother, part of her, Han knew – Han understood – always had the tiniest fear that she could be taken away from them at any moment.

"Vada," Han began. "You know it's not the end of the galaxy if you screw up," he said bluntly. "You're not gonna be perfect all the time. You don't," he paused, listening to the rising and falling noise downstairs, Leia presiding over a toddler, a baby. "You don't have, uh, higher standards than Jace or Billee."

Vada looked up, and she scrunched her nose, almost as if she were caught off guard. She looked confused, and then she tilted her head, blinked, and reached up to scratch her scalp with her stylus.

"I know that," she said slowly. She didn't seem clear on why he was giving her that speech, and then after a moment, she nodded. "Oh, I mean, yeah, I…sorry, I'm distracted," she said, glancing down at her sketchpad.

"New artwork?" Han asked.

Vada blinked. Her comm buzzed, and she looked between it, and her sketchpad.

"Hmm? Um no, actually. Sorry," she said again. "Dita's having a crisis."

She gave a little roll of her eyes to play it off.

"Ah," Han said. "She need help?"

"It's not a real crisis, it's like, a teen girl crisis," Vada said dismissively.

"You can have real problems," Han said solemnly.

Vada laughed a little.

"I _know_ , I'm just," she waved her hand vaguely. "Thanks for working so hard on the speeder," she said, swiftly changing the subject.

Han studied her intently. She _did_ seem off – distracted, which she admitted to herself, but Han sensed she had something on her chest, and he didn't want to table that for later, if she needed to be heard now.

"Vada," he said, almost sternly. "Is somethin' _wrong_? Somethin' you wanna talk about?" he asked.

He leaned his shoulder casually against the doorframe, firmly placing himself there and directing his full attention to her. He almost glared at the top of her head, until she looked up from her electronics, again, and peered at him sharply.

"No," she said, giving a little shrug.

"No nothin's wrong or _no_ you don't want to talk?" Han prodded sternly.

She hesitated, twitching her brow up a little. It was always hard to fool him – Leia too; they were both intuitive, though Han's intuition was more experience based, and Leia's was damn near empathetic magic.

"…Both," Vada said slyly.

"Nice try, kid," Han retorted.

Vada scrunched her nose. She puckered her lips, shrugged, and glanced back down to her sketchpad, idly tapping her stylus around on it. She sighed, and Han sensed her struggling with her answer for a moment, and then she clicked her tongue.

"Kind of rather talk to Leia, Dad," she muttered, apologetic, but frank.

Han shifted. He dug his shoulder into the doorframe. There was a lot more of _that_ , these days, since Vada had gotten up and up in the teens. He was having a hard time connecting the speeder wreck to a desire to chitchat with Leia and Leia _only_ , though. Maybe it _wasn't_ connected? Then again, her weird headspace the past few days probably had contributed to the speeder accident, so it had to be…right?

And he'd thought fatherhood was difficult when she was seven.

He dwelled on it for a bit, and then steeled himself, and narrowed his eyes carefully.

"Is it…do you need help 'cause you started bleeding?" he asked, trying to be cool with the whole situation. _That_ wasn't weird or a big deal. If he'd been a single father she'd have to talk to him about it, so there was nothing wrong with bringing it up –

He blinked. Vada gave him a withering look, the most withering look he'd seen in _quite_ a while.

"Yeah, like, _two_ years ago," she retorted. She snickered, shaking her head. "Where have you been?"

Han looked taken aback. _Two years_ – had Leia told him and he just blacked out? Had he not been listening? Deliberately obliterated that piece of information from his brain? He stared at her, and then blinked, lifting his shoulders, at a loss.

"Well, you can talk to me, Vada," he offered.

"Yes," she said honestly. "But I want to talk to Leia," she paused, "and she's busy."

Han shifted again, tilting his head to listen. It was actually quiet for a – nope, not quite. He heard a shriek from the second level, and then a cry, and a muffled thud. He opened his mouth, but was silenced, because after a _second_ thud –

"Han!" Leia yelled, exasperated. Her voice bounced up the stairs, and Han's heart tugged in two different directions.

Vada peered down, amused.

" _See_?" Vada said, pointing her toes at the floor, dangling her foot off the bed.

"Vada," Han started carefully, a worried look crossing his face. "I know…things are different, and…even more hectic since," he paused, "but I gotta keep telling you, you're not…third place or anything, you know, Leia still has time for you, she'd want me to tell you that, and make sure you – "

He broke off, because Vada was looking at him like he was the dumbest person she'd ever met. He hesitated, brows raised – this evening was turning out to be altogether abnormal.

"What?" he demanded.

"I don't think she doesn't _love_ me," Vada said. "I think she's tired and busy and I can wait," she said, matter-of-fact. "Liiiiike," she drawled. "I'm just gonna talk to her when she's having a better day, you get me?" she asked, in that casual, lazy way teenagers had. "I mean seriously," she bounced her leg, toes wriggling at the floor, "Jace-Jace has flopped himself out of bed, like, _ten_ times in the past hour, and Billee won't stop crying. I actually think they're all out of sorts because I scared her with the accident, and I know the Force is like, I don't know, if she gets stressed, she makes Jacen and Billee go haywire, right?"

She paused, and narrowed her eyes, and didn't wait for Han to answer. Her childlike fascination with the Force had dulled over the years, and now she accepted it for a fact of life in a family that harbored a Skywalker branch – but some of it was, admittedly, bizarre.

"I'm like, well aware everyone _loves_ me and all that," Vada said. "Why don't you go hold the baby or something? _I_ can self soothe," she joked.

Han gave her a mild glare, his eyes lingering for a long time. But Vada turned back to her sketchpad; stylus twirling between her fingers, and suddenly seemed more relaxed. Jacen gave a shriek of mad laughter, and Billee cried louder.

"Han, _COME GET YOUR SON!"_ Leia shouted.

Vada looked up at him, and grinned. Han, chastised, but amused, took a few swift steps forward. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of Vada's head. He squeezed her shoulder, and breathed out heavily, an unexpected release of tension. He didn't realize how much residual anxiety had been knotted up in his muscles while he worked down in the hangar on her twisted speeder and thanked deities she hadn't been hurt.

"I _asked_ to help with bedtime," Vada confided. "She wouldn't let me."

"Uh-huh, I know," Han snorted. He pointed at her sternly. "You're our daughter, not our nanny!" he mimicked – but he agreed with Leia, who was a stickler for treating Vada as a kid, rather than a glorified babysitter.

There were many reasons for that, but the main one was – Jacen and Billee weren't replacements, or upgrades, they were her _siblings_. Leia didn't want the age difference to turn Vada into a pseudo-parent anymore than it inevitably would.

"It's 'cause we can't get Billee off of you," Han said seriously. Billee did have knack for tangling her tiny hands so tightly into Vada's curls that it was a considerable battle to get her loose.

Vada flicked her hand.

"Go, Dad, _seriously_. Jacen is in rare form – how often does LeeLee throw out the 'your son' designation?"

Han grinned; Vada nodded.

"Mmhm. Shoo. I'm fine."

Han gave her one good glare, and then nodded, satisfied – he'd done what he could. He felt okay leaving her to herself, and he turned to leave, hurrying towards the chaos. He was half into the studio before he remembered –

"Oh yeah – hey, Viddy?" he called.

"Yee-ee-sss?" she trilled patiently.

"Speeder may be fixed, but you ain't gettin' on it again for a month," he told her.

He heard a labored, defeated sigh, and some muttered Corellian.

"Thought I forgot?" he called loudly, almost smugly, heading towards the stairs.

"A _month_?" Vada yelled.

"Minimum."

"Dad, I lived in an _orphanage_!" Vada yelped dramatically.

"Well, now you got your own loft, your own art studio, and no speeder," he retorted cheerily.

He thought about adding a somewhat smug goodnight – but it was early, by adult standards, and something told him he'd be back to check on her tonight, when things quieted down. Although, he noted – as he stepped onto the second floor and Jacen went running past him completely naked – it _might_ be a while before there was a lull in the chaos.

* * *

Leia ran her fingers lightly over her infant daughter's head, smiling as she traced the thin swoop of delicate blonde hair that crowned her. She attributed that sandy sunshine color to some hidden genetic code that had previously only showed up in Luke, though she suspected Billee's hair would darken, just as Jacen's baby blue eyes had turned hazel and Han-like over the years.

Billee smacked her lips and slept on – _finally_ – and Leia withdrew her hand and crept away from the gently rocking bassinet. She tiptoed closer to the bed, folded her arms, and gave Han an indulgent frown.

He looked at her sheepishly; a quiet, clothed, and half-awake Jacen sprawled out over his lap.

"Han," Leia murmured quietly.

He winced.

"S'just until he's more asleep," Han whispered.

" _Han_ ," Leia said again.

"You want him quiet or you want him in his own bed?" Han retorted stubbornly.

Leia sighed, shaking her head. She wanted both – but considering how loud the evening had been so far, she wanted _quiet_ just a little bit more; she wanted Billee to stay asleep. Yet she was also starting to grow wary of Jacen's constant desire to be in their bed – they'd yielded for a few nights when Billee was a newborn and he was adjusting to a third person getting his parents' attention, but now the yielding was ongoing, and Leia wanted her bed back.

She let her eyes fall to Jacen. He peeked at her from behind sleepy eyelids and a floppy mop of hair, his gaze tired, yet suspicious. Leia supposed any attempt to move him back to his bed would result in hysterics, but she didn't like feeling held hostage by a toddler.

"He needs to get used to sleeping in his own bed consistently," Leia said.

"I know," Han said tiredly. "I'll take 'im back when he's asleep."

"No," Jacen said firmly, butting his head against Han's arm. " _No_."

"He won't remember that," Han said.

Leia rolled her eyes affectionately. She pulled back the sheets and quilts on her side of the bed and sat down, swinging her legs in. She yawned, pushing her hair back from her face, and wiggled her toes, sighing.

"No chance of us having another baby if he's always here," she teased.

"Oh no? Huh, I thought it was 'cause you had your insides taken out."

Leia snorted.

"That's not what tubal ligation is and you know it," she said.

Han shrugged, grinning. Jacen yanked on his arm and held it, eyeing Leia like she might pick him up and carry him back to his bed right this second.

"Bee sleep in here," he accused, his gaze darting furtively to Billee's bassinet.

"Billee sleeps where the food is, Jace," Leia said, gesturing dramatically to her chest.

"Daddy sleep in here," Jacen argued.

"Same principle," Han joked.

Leia kicked him.

"You got ten minutes, Jacen," Leia said gently. "Daddy will take you back to your bed and hang out until you go to sleep," she bargained.

Jacen looked at her like he planned on rioting as soon as she tried to enforce that, but he went silent. She decided to face the riot when it came to it – if it came to it. She suspected he'd fall asleep here, and then Han would have an easier time to transferring him back to his bed. She smiled placidly at Jacen.

He blinked coolly.

Smirking a little, Leia leaned back against her pillow. She rolled her head to the side, reaching up to rub her neck, and cleared her throat.

"How's Vada?" she asked. "How's the speeder?"

"Speeder's fixed," Han grunted. "Vada's fine. Seemed a little distracted," he said, with a shrug.

"Did I hear her yell something about living in an orphanage?" Leia asked, cocking one eyebrow.

Han snorted.

"Oh, yeah," he said. "I told her she was banned from the speeder for a month."

"Ahh," Leia murmured. "Dramatics. What do you mean 'distracted?'"

Han shrugged a little.

"Dunno. I pushed her a little. She wasn't snippy or anything, just…turned in on herself, I guess. Said she wanted to talk to you."

Leia sat forward, alert. She pushed her covers back a little.

"No – nah, Leia, not right _now_ ," Han said hastily. "She said when you have time – Leia, get back in bed," he said, frowning as she kicked all her covers off and got up.

Han glared as she reached for the robe she kept hooked on the bedpost and slipped it on, swirling the soft belt around in her hand.

"I have time," Leia said.

"Yeah," Han said dryly. "It's late and you been at work all day and then you did nighttime mostly by yourself 'cause I was workin' on the speeder," he said. "Get back in bed. She said it wasn't urgent."

"Of course she said that," Leia scoffed. "Vada is eternally patient and unobtrusive and, no matter what, perpetually afraid she'll get packed off to a spice mine if she expresses herself too much," she pointed out. "I have time to talk, Han."

"You'll also have time to talk tomorrow," Han pointed out, "and all this week – Leia, she was practically in bed," he argued. "She – "

Both of them heard the water start running, and Han gave her a very pointed look.

"See? She's showerin'," he said.

Leia toyed with the belt of her robe, frowning. She struggled with this, conflicted; it had been difficult – in her opinion – to balance mothering Vada and learning to mother Jacen, when he had come along. Now that they had Billee, too, it was easier – because she knew how to care for a newborn – and so much harder, because it was hard having a toddler, and hard having a newborn, and she was so, so worried that Vada would get lost in the chaos, or be neglected – Leia was so worried that she would fail Vada while she was trying not to fail at everything else.

Han watched the uncertainty storm around her eyes and flicker in the lines around her mouth, and he sighed, catching her eye earnestly.

"Leia, c'mon," he coaxed. "Get back in bed. I know you don't want her to feel pushed aside. I don't either. But in that case…don't you think you want to talk to her without any distractions around?" he asked, trying a different tactic. "Y'know, you go in there now – Billee could wake up, Jacen could start actin' up," he listed. "Might be more useful to Vada if she can have your undivided attention, if she wants to talk."

Leia let her hands fall. She shrugged the robe down a little, and then slowly took it off. She very deliberately and slowly placed it back on the bedpost, and then came back to bed. She folded her hands in her lap, looking down at them, and then glanced wryly at Han.

"Well," she murmured. "That is a very good point."

Han smirked.

"Yeah, I got points," he drawled. He arched his eyebrows. "Sweetheart, I promise…you're doin' fine with Vada," he said. "With all of 'em."

Leia sighed. She leaned back, and then scooted over slowly, until her body was flush up against the side of Han's.

"She said you wouldn't let her help with bed time," Han said. "Vada did."

Leia shrugged a little.

"It's not her job."

"If she offers – "

"Yes, I know she offers," Leia murmured. "But then how long until I get used to it, and I stop waiting for her to offer, and I just assume, and she's Vada, so she's too afraid to say she has plans, and her own life, or she doesn't want to? Vada isn't a delicate person, but there are thing she's sensitive to, and I don't think we can ever really break her of the trauma being abandoned left in her, so I'd rather not put her in a position that might make her feel…obligated to me, or us, in exchange for something. I am not doing the wicked stepmother thing."

Han laughed.

"I'd buy tickets to see you try to be wicked," he teased.

"Be careful what you wish for, hotshot," Leia grumbled.

She leaned her head heavily on Han's shoulder, exhausted. It really had been a rough day, between the two little ones acting up, and worrying over Vada's speeder theatrics.

"I am…so unbelievably glad she didn't hurt herself wrecking that damn thing," Leia murmured, "and yet it's almost a _relief_ she did something reckless. It's what teenagers _do_. It's okay for her to…make mistakes, grow up, wreck some speeders – well, 'okay' in the sense that…plenty of kids do that and their parents don't just _abandon_ them."

Leia sighed.

"She's a disciplined girl with a good head on her shoulders, but I wonder how much of that is…fear induced. Self-preservation. If this is her, this is her, but if she loosens up and goes a little wild," Leia shrugged. "It wouldn't be an aberration for a sixteen-year-old girl."

"Eh," Han shrugged. "Prob'ly is a lot to do with all the shit that happened to her," he said. "Then again, you were a pretty straight laced teenager," he said.

"Yes," Leia said, deadpan, "defying the international order and overthrowing the government was very straight laced of me."

Han snorted.

"You only get street cred for it if you did it _blackout_ drunk," he teased.

"How do you know I wasn't drunk the whole time?" Leia retorted.

"'Cause it took you three years to sleep with me."

"Yes, because I was drunk, not stupid."

Han gave her a wounded look, and gestured with his chin, outraged, at Jacen.

"In front of the kids, you mock me?" he hissed.

Leia smiled at Jacen.

"I think we bore him," she said, noting that Jacen – at least appeared – to be fast asleep.

Han shifted his arms to lift Jacen higher on his chest, and Leia adjusted her head, pressing her forehead to Han's bicep.

"I'm only saying," she whispered softly, "that she doesn't _have_ to be as good as she is. I wouldn't even be surprised if she felt jealous, or territorial, or," Leia sighed, " _sad_ , even. Something. I would think she was entitled to that. She's a _teenager_ ," Leia said again. "Maybe her wrecking the brand new speeder, and then getting grounded, and life still going on…is a good moment for her."

"Vada just loves Billee an Jacen…so much. She's an angel," Leia murmured.

"Can't take credit for that," Han muttered.

Leia shifted her head, pursing her lips.

"Yes, you can. That's part of you in her."

"Leia, c'mon —" Han protested, arching a brow. "I wasn't around when she was a kid, I didn't have nothin' to do with – "

"No, I'm serious." Leia looked up at him firmly. "The way she loves Billee and Jacen? The way she wants to care for them, even when she could be doing something more fun? That's you. Bits of your soul. That's who _you_ are. "

Han, for what it was worth, blushed. Leia reached over to stroke Jacen's hair.

"He's out of it," she murmured. "Good time to start the dreaded transfer," she quipped.

Han nodded. He very slowly began to move, and Leia sat up and away from him, giving him space. His movements were careful, and he made no noise, shifting inch by inch until he was sitting on the edge of the bed – and then he stood, Jacen cradled against his shoulder. Leia watched Jacen's face sharply – he wriggled his nose, but he did not crack an accusatory eye open. He was still sleeping, face hanging blissfully off Han's shoulder, as Han crept out of the room.

Leia watched him go, her eyes fixed on the empty doorway long after he'd snuck down the hall. She attuned her senses to the sleeping Jacen, and to the sleeping Billee, and she listened to the steady soft rumble of the water running, keeping track of Vada in her shower, off in her little nook of the penthouse.

She relaxed slowly, letting out the tension of the fear that had struck her when she'd first heard about Vada's accident – she let herself be relieved that it was nothing but a busted bike in the end, and she reflected, silently, on the conversation they'd just had – on how important Vada was to her. She knew Vada likely got tired of their platitudes about how welcome she was, and how she was a chosen part of their family, not a forced addition, but Leia knew the inner conflict that could come out of a botched adoption – or botched truths about adoption – and she was eternally sensitive to her.

Her and Vada's situations were different, but that didn't mean Leia didn't relate. Han worried, but he was also more willing to take Vada's words at face value, to trust her to speak for her own interests, to say what she meant and mean what she said. Leia did not lack trust in Vada, but she was sensitive to how deep Vada's fear of betrayal and abandonment likely ran, and she was every conscious about how that might, even subliminally, affect her actions and her words.

Han was right – rather than storming into Vada's room tonight, tired from the day and unprepared, Leia was better off finding a time when it was just her and Vada, when she could be _wholly_ Vada's. She didn't know what it was Vada might want to discuss, and that nagged at her – had she missed something? Was she not paying attention enough?

As hard as it was to take care of a toddler and a newborn, Billee and Jacen weren't really that complex. Jacen _grew_ more complex with every day, with every new word he learned and every new emotion he sampled, but as a baseline he needed food, sleep, cuddles, and playtime – and Billee was even more basic. It was easy to hand them over to Han and order him to hold down the fort for a while; if Vada needed a woman a mother, _that's_ what she needed, and Han wouldn't cut it.

Leia curled up on her side, waiting for Han to come back. Billee sniffled in her sleep, and Jacen – from what she could tell – put up a halfhearted protest when Han started to leave, but just as sleepily gave up, and fell back into his slumber. All was quieting down – the water shut off, and a door shut slightly; Vada tucked in for the night, too.

Han slipped back into the room, leaving their door wide open in case Jacen decided to make an escape attempt. As he climbed back into bed with her, Leia yawned – gods, she was tired; _so_ tired. She'd definitely be better use to Vada well rested.

"Is the gate at the top of the stairs locked?" Leia murmured – it would be a sad indictment of their parenting if they left it open and Jacen went bounding down the steps to a broken neck while they slept blissfully.

Han nodded, settling into bed on his back. She sensed him thinking, staring up the ceiling, and she snuggled up close. She pressed her nose to his chest and closed her eyes.

"Leia," he said abruptly, startling her. His voice was hushed, pained, and spooked. "You don't think she's…pregnant, do you?" he paused. "And wrecked the speeder to try and…get rid of it?"

Leia rolled her eyes. She patted Han's chest soothingly, the way she patted Jacen's back when he was throwing a particularly ridiculous tantrum.

"Han. Go to sleep."

Han sighed heavily, and Leia closed her eyes again, relaxing. Whatever it was, Leia sincerely doubted it was something that serious – and Han knew better than that. Vada could be stoic, but she wasn't that stoic – and besides – the only scratch on Vada was a drag burn on her arm. Leia kept her mouth shut for the sake of Han's sensibilities, but she was fairly certain that if Vada were going for some sort of theatrical home abortion – she'd know to wreck a little better than that.

* * *

As it turned out, Han was not entirely off the mark – Vada wasn't _pregnant_ , but she did want to talk about sex, and it didn't take Leia long to draw that out of her. Leia didn't have to coax it out at all, in fact; she had settled into the kitchen with Vada later that week for some solid, just-the-two-of-them, girl talk and barely raised her mug of fresh kaf to her lips when Vada cleared her throat and said:

"I want to talk about sex."

Leia slowly lowered her mug, letting it hover in the air above the counter. She blinked slowly, a little taken aback. Vada's nose turned pink, and she went on hastily, clearing her throat again:

"I didn't tell Dad that because I didn't want him to have a heart attack," she said, matter-of-fact. "Jacen and Billee need a father."

She looked so serious when she said it that Leia almost laughed. She kept her composure, tough, and said, calmly:

"You need your father, too."

Vada smiled wryly. She rubbed her arm, and then took a quick sip of her kaf, and burned her tongue. She cringed, set the mug back down, and wrinkled her still-pink nose.

"Nice and hot," she complimented, wincing, and sticking her tongue into her cheek.

Leia put her mug all the way down. She took a deep breath, tapped her fingernails on it, and then inclined her head.

"Okay," she said evenly. "Sex."

Alarm bells popped off in her head. She really had thought Han was being completely ridiculous when he, out of the blue, started panicking over a potential pregnancy – but now she was left in the lurch, wondering – _was_ it so far fetched? Teenagers got pregnant all the time – one some worlds, _failing_ to have a baby by age eighteen was some sort of mortal sin – but Vada? Vada didn't really go out, she hadn't brought anyone home –

"Are you freaking out?" Vada asked.

Leia looked at her placidly. Well, she hoped she seemed placid, and collected.

"No," she lied.

She wasn't freaking out, necessarily. She just didn't exactly know what was coming, and she hadn't recently read any handbooks that educated her on what to do when her sixteen-year-old daughter wanted to talk about sex on an average Zhellday afternoon. Leia's own mother had been fairly candid about sex, from a technical standpoint, and Leia hadn't been particularly sheltered, even if she was expected to be painstakingly circumspect, as the royal heir.

First and foremost, what Leia was actually thinking was – _damn, I'm glad I didn't go into this half-cocked and tired like I wanted to the other night._ Han and Chewie had the little ones down for a play day at the _Falcon_ , and Leia hoped they stayed there.

For a _while_.

Leia gave Vada a faint smile.

"Interesting you mention sex," she said. "Your father thinks you're pregnant."

Vada gave Leia a look of abject disgust, and then rolled her eyes.

"Of course he does," she grumbled. "Well, I'm not," she added, and then arched an eyebrow, "but Pru thought she was."

Leia bit the inside of her lip delicately to make sure her facial expression didn't change. She lifted her kaf.

"Oh?"

"You can freak out a little," Vada said dryly. " _I_ did," she added. She paused, and then sighed, here shoulders falling. "So, Pru thought she was pregnant, but she wasn't. And I panicked a little and she said I wasn't supportive enough, so we've been fighting. But I told her she was stupid because they're not using birth control – which _is_ stupid," Vada glanced at Leia pointedly for confirmation.

Leia waited a beat to see if it was a rhetorical pause, and when it was clear she was expected to provide feedback, she tilted her head.

"It isn't the smartest choice," she said diplomatically. "Though you might have softened your assessment if she was in a scary position."

Vada snorted, and held up one hand.

"Believe me, I learned that lesson," she said, a little bitter. "We're like, fine now, we kind of got passed it, except, like, now she's like…spending most of her time with Dita, because she says Dita _gets_ her, and Dita _understands_ , and I feel left out, and they're making me feel…childish, or timid or whatever and – "

The words kept flowing, and Leia took a bracing sip of kaf. She listened, trying to unpack the words as they came, and then she set her mug down, and held up two hands gently, trying to slow Vada down.

"Vada."

"—and we were all arguing the day of the speeder crash, and I just took off, so I wasn't focused, but like, I feel like I'm losing my friends and – "

"Viddy," Leia said quietly.

Vada broke off, biting her lip. Leia gave her a moment.

"Start again. Slower."

Vada took a deep breath.

"I feel like I'm the _only_ one not having sex," she said shakily, "and, like…that's all anyone talks about now. And I can't participate. Even when I _try_ , like, I joke around, someone's like 'oh what do you know, Vada,'" she trailed off. "I'm not being judgmental, I don't _think_ I am. But I feel like I'm being…like, judged, because," she trailed off again.

She reached up to rub her jaw, and then curled her palms around her mug of kaf, sighing heavily.

"This is like…just…weird to say, and weird to talk about, but it's also like…almost easy with you, because you're my mom, but you're also like," Vada stopped. "I don't know how to say this without sounding really awful but you didn't…know me as a baby so like…somehow…sometimes I feel like I can view you as…sister-ish, when it comes to this stuff."

She cringed, and glanced up at Leia. Leia nodded at her, wanting her to go on. She wasn't offended. Whatever made it easy for Vada to talk to her was a positive thing; she'd rather Vada talk to her than run and hide and withdraw from her.

"So," Vada said. "I wanted to talk because…I want to…I think I might start having sex and, you know," she swallowed hard. "I need birth control."

Leia felt bowled over by about ten different things at once – the revelation that Vada's entire circle of friends was apparently sexually active, the fact that one of them had dealt with a pregnancy scare under the nose of all the adults, the pressure, the teasing – it settled as heavily on her shoulders as it must have been sitting on Vada's. She processed all the information as carefully as she could, silent, but she focused on the last words, and leaned forward, resting on her forearms lightly.

"Okay," she said. "Let me tell you what I'm hearing. Try not to get upset," she said delicately, "because I am not belittling you, but I think you need to hear this from another person to analyze it."

Vada nodded, warily.

"You're saying you might start having sex because everyone else is, and you don't want to feel left out."

Vada eyed her a little critically, but she respected Leia's request, and didn't lash out right away. To Leia's surprise – and it actually rather impressed her – Vada didn't exactly shy away from that pronouncement.

"I mean," she lifted one shoulder. "Yeah? I want to know what it's like," she said bluntly. "I don't think that's like…a weird desire," she said.

She paused.

"If all my friends are listening to a new band, I check out the band," she pointed out.

Leia smiled in spite of herself.

"Interesting point," she said slowly. "But if you don't like a song, you can turn it off. You can't un-have-sex."

Vada nodded. She sat back, slumping. She looked away, her eyes filling with tears.

"I don't want to sound stupid," she said shakily. "It's not just…because everyone else is," she said. "I feel left out. I'm jealous. I don't like being treated like a baby because…I mean," she threw up one hand, exasperated. "I mean, since when does having a dick in me make me an adult?" she asked.

Leia wondered if down in the hangar, Han's ears were on fire for some reason he couldn't define. She arched her brows.

"It doesn't," she said. "I am…very sorry one of your friends, or all of them, made you feel that was the requirement for growing up."

Vada wiped at her face.

"I told them as much, but then Dita said I was being judgmental," she muttered. "That's not what I meant."

She sighed, and folded her arms tightly, looking back at Leia.

"There's a guy I really like, too," she said. "And we haven't…done anything, he's pretty aloof but…I really like him, and part of me just is like, well, let's get this over with."

Leia felt such a peculiar storm of emotions. She wanted to laugh, but her heart broke for Vada. She wanted to hug her and shake her at the same time, and yet she remained silent, thinking of the best way to go forward. She herself hadn't been in the midst of all this when she was Vada's age; in that respect, she _had_ been straight-laced. She had been too busy – as she pointed out to Han – with intergalactic insurgency.

But she did remember the low level panic that had always coursed through her in intimate moments with Han, before they'd slept together, when she'd questioned every single thing she knew, said, and did, because he seemed so obviously confident and she had no idea what the fuck she was doing _or_ what she wanted.

"Okay," Leia started.

"Can you say something else?" Vada asked, a little snappy. "You keep saying that and it's …clinical."

Leia paused, amused.

"Right," she said, and it sounded so similar to 'okay' that both she and Vada cringed. Leia smiled at her earnestly. "Vada, I'm glad you felt comfortable coming to me with this," she said. "I know I sound lame saying that, but I mean it. I'd rather your emotions boil over and we, you know, talk about them here, in the kitchen, versus you trying to work this out with – well, some teenage boy's body," she said dryly.

Vada laughed a little. She rubbed both palms on her face, sniffled, and dried her eyes.

"Yeah," she conceded.

"I hope you don't mind me asking this as well," Leia said carefully. "How long have you been dating this boy?"

"We're not. I mean, we're…people don't like, date, LeeLee, you know, you hang out in groups, and then if you decide you like each other you like, slowly go out alone," she gestured vaguely. "He's the first person I've wanted to kind of…really pursue."

Leia blinked; the concept of Vada dating was news to her.

"You're allowed to date, Vada, but this is the first I'm hearing about it, which I'm sure means Han knows nothing of it. It's like anything, if you're out, we like to know with who and where and, well," Leia paused. "We'd like to know if you're dating."

Vada nodded.

"Um," she said. "Understood. I just…nothing, or no one, has ever been serious and I'm very…uh," she broke off, and winced. "I just am careful and I don't mention every little person because…some of them it ends up like…they just want to meet…you guys."

Leia winced.

"Oh," she said grimly. Fame-seekers. Good for Vada for being cognizant of that and being able to spot them quickly. Leia decided to address that – _apologize for it,_ she thought dryly – at another time. "But this boy…you're serious?"

"I'm serious about being interested in him," Vada said, "and I think he likes me back. I just don't know if…he'd like…want to date someone who's not having sex."

Leia chewed on her lip. She narrowed her eyes, thoughtful.

"Vada, I don't think you need me to tell you that 'I feel left out' and 'I want him to like me' are not good reasons to have sex," she said gently.

Vada shrugged. She sighed hard.

"No, I don't," she agreed. "But it's not…I mean, I keep thinking it over, and questioning myself, and it's not like I care that much about my virginity. It doesn't make me a _person_. It's not a soul. It's kind of made up, you know?"

She bit her lip.

"And I want to be part of the conversation," she murmured. She looked Leia in the eye earnestly. "Something holds me back?" she said, half a question.

"You might just not feel ready yet, sweetheart," Leia said, feeling a little apologetic.

"I don't want to _not_ be ready," Vada said edgily. "How can Dita, and Pru, and – " she gestured vaguely, "all of them be ready, and I'm not? What's different, what's – "

"Have you consider that Dita and Pru are making you feel this way, and acting out towards you, because maybe they're struggling with _their_ decisions?" Leia asked calmly. "Hypothetically, Pru could have regrets after having such a scare. Hypothetically, Dita could be jealous that you're not juggling all the responsibility that comes with sex – your friends are good, solid, wonderful girls, Vada, but they're young and uncertain, too. Sex is a huge thing and it makes even grown adults insecure, jealous, nervous," Leia listed, trailing off. "I know you feel insecure about where you are with this – they probably do, too," she pointed out.

She paused, and then cocked her eyebrow.

"And you may consider that while you think everyone is having sex, maybe Dita and Pru feel like they're the _only_ girls having sex, and society can be _really_ hard on girls who have sex _on_ their own terms, _when_ and with _who_ they want."

Vada sucked on her bottom lip, the lines in her brow easing just a little.

"Well, that's another thing," she said. "I kind of feel fake being like, a feminist activist who is also completely inexperienced."

"You don't have to have sex to be a feminist." Leia said dryly.

"But," she protested, "most people who are as radical," Vada quoted the word with her fingers, still smarting from a comment a professor had made about her a few months ago, "as I am aren't sitting around _virgins_ at sixteen."

Leia gave her a harder look.

"Now you do sound immature," she said frankly, holding Vada's gaze. "Perception and reality are different and you see sex, sex, _sex_ , everywhere, but in the grand scheme of things, it is _not_ that weird to be a virgin at sixteen, Vada," she said sharply. "You think feminism is validated by having sex? You think – to put it in your words – someone's…dick…is going to unlock a level of feminist achievement that _you_ can't find inside yourself?"

Vada stared at her, wide-eyed.

"I dismantled the Empire blaster bolt by blaster bolt when I was a teenager, and I was a virgin," she added, rolling her eyes. "You made a point – virginity is made up. You don't have to attach any importance to that – but you _do_ have to take care of your body and your soul in the best way you can, the best way you see fit, and that means other people's expectations and demands _do not_ dictate what you do with it."

Leia put her hand flat on the counter with a little pop, for emphasis, and Vada still stared at her, slack-jawed. Leia frowned a little, hear heart racing – she'd thought that was a good little speech, even if she hadn't really wanted to reveal to much of her own history during this heart-to-heart. She had to admit it did get under her skin a little, hearing Vada imply that honest feminism was connected to sexuality – it was reductive and diminutive and – but she reminded herself; Vada was a teenager, Vada was young, and Vada got bad messaging from all sides in that respect.

"The idea that to be liberated you _have_ to have sex is a perversion of sex positivity that men came up with to get girls to give it up – don't listen to their rhetoric; watch their actions and – Vada, why are you staring at me like that?" she broke off, exasperated.

Vada's brows went into her hairline.

"Well, I've never heard you say _dick_ before," she said dryly, "and also, when you said it, your face turned Mustafar red and it's still that red. You look like a very embarrassed, sunburned lava monster."

Leia glared at her, though she felt herself go red – redder, red _again_.

"Are you listening to me?" she asked.

Vada's features relaxed a little. She bit her lip again.

"Yes," she said, her voice softening. She licked her lips, hesitating, with an earnest expression. "I…deep down, come on, I know all that. I _know_. I just…well, hearing it is nice, hearing my mother telling me to get it together is… _nice_ ," she laughed, breathless.

She frowned.

"Do you think it's wrong if I have sex?" she asked.

"In the grand scheme of things, it's not that weird for sixteen year olds to _not_ be virgins, either," Leia said, reigning herself in. "Wrong? No, I don't think it's wrong. It just doesn't sound like _you_ want to have sex," she gave Vada a look, "and before you protest – I do not think 'getting it over with' is a good idea. And it sounds like _that_ is what you want."

Vada remained silent, watching her.

"When you reflect on this, one thing to remember or – well, at least to consider," Leia said, leaning forward on her arms again, "is that it's someone– "

"Yeah, I know," Vada interrupted. She didn't sound dismissive so much as accepting - like she'd anticipated _this_ from the beginning. "Someone who loves me, who I'm in love with, all that."

Leia paused. She tilted her head, looking at Vada thoughtfully. Vada arched a brow, taken aback.

"Or…not?" she asked, skeptical.

"I was going to say someone who respects you," Leia corrected gently.

"Well," Vada said, twitching her nose. "Yeah, love, _respect_ ," she trailed off.

" _Ideally_ those two go hand in hand," Leia said. "Sometimes not. What I mean to convey is…I don't want you to necessarily conflate the two automatically. And I don't really want to tie the idea of self-respect, or bodily respect, up with love, and _only_ love. When you're very young, love is hard to figure out. I don't want you to get the idea that you don't respect yourself if something doesn't last or if it's…a one off. You can have some wild nights and still respect yourself."

Vada gave her a sly look, but said nothing. Leia smiled demurely.

"Your body is your temple. I don't mean that in a conservative sense, in a sense of…chastity. Your body is your temple because _you live in it_. Allowing another person access to it is your choice, and no matter what the circumstance, should be a positive thing. You should derive pleasure from it. And when the person you're sharing with moves on, you should not feel lessened or hollow."

Leia paused for impact.

"If you want to have sex," she braced herself a little, "then have sex. I'll get you contraceptives now, whether this happens tomorrow or in two years, so you can be ready. If you want to have sex with women, I'll find you articles to read or someone with more experience to talk to. But Vada," Leia shook her head, "don't have sex just to be interesting for a boy. I promise you he won't be worth it. Don't have sex because Pru thinks you should, or Dita makes you feel like a prude. And if you're conflicted, if you're uncertain, then just wait," Leia shrugged.

She held Vada's gaze.

"You're not going to regret waiting for your time, on your terms. You _might_ regret giving other people control over _your_ first experience with sex."

Vada looked at her for a long time. Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them away, and then she stared at Leia some more, her face taking on something resolved, something strong, and stubborn.

"I think what you said…about Dita and Pru maybe…being insecure about their choices…that's so important," she said. "Maybe I haven't been a good friend to them because I've been kind of jealous."

She pushed her hair back.

"I needed to talk it out because I feel…like I think I…I want to be this cool, badass girl who has lots of experience and casual sex but," she swallowed hard, "I don't think I can do it with someone who doesn't love me. Too many people in my life _didn't_ love me."

Leia came around the counter and put her arm around Vada's waist, hugging her. Vada slouched over, so much taller, to lean into it, resting her head on Leia's for a moment.

"Were you really a virgin during the war?" she asked tearfully.

It sounded so faint and pitiful, Leia snorted.

"Yes," she comforted.

"Can I tell Dita and Pru that next time they tease me?"

"Absolutely not," Leia said firmly.

Vada laughed. She sniffed, wiped her nose again, and sat up, swinging her stool to the side to face Leia.

"Weren't you afraid you were going to die a virgin?" she asked arching a brow.

"I was more afraid of dying after some mediocre sex with the wrong person," Leia said, deadpan.

Vada laughed more brightly.

"I think _that's_ going to echo in my head on every date I go on from this point forward," she giggled.

She sighed.

"So when you did have sex…did you feel like you chose right?" she asked curiously. "It was worth it?"

"I waited a long time," Leia said. "I was quite like you, actually."

"It ended okay?" Vada asked.

Leia smiled at her wryly.

"Still going strong."

Vada blinked at her uncertainly for a moment, and then she smiled, her nose turning pink. So, that meant – oh, so for Leia, her father was – Vada laughed.

"Well, um, speaking of Dad," she sighed. "Can we…not mention this to him? And definitely not mention the birth control?" she asked, wincing. "I know you don't hide things from him, but – "

"Vada I, too, think you all need your father, and I don't intend to give him a stroke, or a cardiac episode, by regaling him with this conversation," Leia said solemnly.

Vada grinned, relieved. She bit her lip, and then reached for Leia's hand, squeezing it.

"Thank you," she said. "There is just…no way I could deal with being sixteen without a mom," she murmured. She tilted her head. "Also, when Billee is my age? I can do _this_ ," Vada gestured between them, "For her," she winked.

Leia held up one hand in surrender – maybe that would be best, but she still planned on being there, for 'this' for both of her girls. Though – thank God she still had years before Billee was old enough for any of it.

She leaned over and kissed Vada's cheek, running her hand over her hair affectionately. She was so much older now, she had so much of her mother in her face – it had to be her mother, Leia knew, because as she'd grown, the distinctly Han parts of Vada had sharpened into something beautiful and mysterious, someone Leia didn't know, and yet knew deeply, because she had raised her. These days, when – if – Leia thought of Visenya, she only though kind things, hopeful things; occasionally she thought, _I hope I'm doing right by your child, this child I call mine._

Yet Vada was also still so young, so fragile; she was still figuring things out. She was still marked by the scars of her past; still carrying the weight put on her by people who had left her behind, tried to barter for her, and seen her as a living slur, as a mistake.

"LeeLee?" Vada whispered.

Leia pulled back, and looked at her.

"My _temple_ ," Vada said, smirking, gesturing to her abdomen, "is thinking…we go get frozen ice…and pedicures…and lighten up this girl talk."

Leia beamed at her. She touched a strand of her neatly braided hair, running her fingers tenderly over the dark lock. She nodded, and she held Vada's gaze, hoping that all her words, all her hugs, all her everything, was able to convey how firmly Vada sat in her affections, how unshakably Leia felt she _belonged_ to her, blood connection or not – and how humbled and honored she was that Vada felt comfortable enough to come to her, to talk to her, to know her.

**Author's Note:**

> -alexandra


End file.
